TONS realizations...

I never realized how pathetic I was when I was younger. Now, I don't mean pathetic like I was a loser or something depressing, but just how I let things affect me.

Let me tell you about how I let things affect me when I was younger.

I have told you about Caramel. But not enough to show you what had happened when her and I were friends (shocker).

When we were friends, it was like a clique, I guess you could say. We weren't mean to other people though. There was a couple other girls in our "clique". We shared friendship charms and all that stuff, and I had seriously (and sadly) thought this friendship would be all like," Best friends for ever! OMG! I'll be there when you need me, and you'll be there when i need you! Bffs! Yah!"

Not.

It was almost the opposite. Caramel had me be her friend for, oh, a month or two, maybe three, then she started basically bullying me. She back stabbed me, more then I probably realize, and that was when I finally understood that no friend ship would be candy and unicorns...

SO I am now totally against her.

But that isn't the whole story.

When I started being bullied by her, the way I handled it was what was pathetic. I let her crush me, crumple me, ruin my self respect, and more. By me being her "victim", I gave her full control of most of my emotions, and how I felt about myself. Unhealthy! One day I came home and cried to my mother about how it's not fair about what she does, how mean she is, how I wish she was my friend again, and so much more crud.

I was at extended day today, and this one girl, Meme, was all upset because this bully, Sally, wasn't being a good friend, so basically the same thing I went through. Hehe, that was the actual moment when I realized how pathetic I was when I was younger and it got through my thick but thin head! HA!

Now I realized one thing, and then there is one other...

I don't have a crush on Cam AT ALL! Also, I have been doing some deep thinking, and I don't think he has a crush on me either. Finally, I made up my mind that he is just a good friend, end of story. He actually kinda  annoys me...

He is overly touchy. When I told you what he said to Deter, I left out one thing he said, cuz' it was very inappropriate kind of. Not stuff like calling him a girl or whatever. Then I would've flat out slapped him! He said the word for poop, not the s word, the c word. I just don't like saying it because in my mind, it's still
a bad word...

You should have seen her reaction. She was all like," >0<! he said what?! wow, never thought I would hear that he said that..."

Ya........